May Angels Lead You In
by mindless360
Summary: When a character from Degrassi commits suicide, all others close to this person can only ask "Why?" Very sad, kinda short story. *Sorry for the cheesy sad songs!* R&R please!!!
1. The Phone Conversation

"Dear friend,  
  
What's on your mind?  
  
You don't laugh the way you used to,  
  
But I've noticed how you cry,  
  
Dear friend,  
  
I feel so helpless,  
  
I see you sit in silence,  
  
As you face new pain each day,  
  
I feel there's nothing I can do,  
  
I know you don't feel pretty,  
  
Even though you are,  
  
But it wasn't your beauty,  
  
That found room in my heart,  
  
Dear friend,  
  
You are so precious,  
  
Dear friend."  
  
Stacie Orrico- Dear Friend  
  
"What's wrong with me, Manny?" Emma asked her best friend that evening on the phone. It was Saturday, a day where Emma could've been out helping to preserve some rain forest in Brazil. Instead she was at home feeling depressed.... again.  
  
"Nothing's wrong with you, Emma," Manny said trying to comfort her best friend. "You're perfect."  
  
"Then why does everything always go so wrong?" Emma asked, tears streaking her face.  
  
"What are you talking about, Emma?"  
  
Emma sighed. "I don't know anymore. Nothing makes sense."  
  
"Emma, whatever's on your mind, you should tell me."  
  
"I-I don't want to. Just forget it."  
  
"Emma..... well whatever it is, it'll get better, Emma. I promise."  
  
"Yeah, I know it will," Emma said, cradling the empty bottle of pills in her hand. "I'm tired. I'm going to go to sleep."  
  
"It's only five. How about we go hang out somewhere?"  
  
"No, that's ok. I'd rather stay home."  
  
"Ok, Emma."  
  
"Manny.... I'll miss you."  
  
"What are you talking about, Emma? You're starting to scare me."  
  
"Nothing, just forget it."  
  
Manny bit her lip, but decided to let it go. "Okay. Bye, Emma."  
  
"Bye, Manny." Emma hung up the phone, beginning to cry again.  
  
"It's ok," she consoled herself. "It'll all be over soon." She closed her eyes, letting the pills have their way with her. 


	2. Dead?

"Sorry, I never told you,  
  
All I wanted to say,  
  
Now it's too late to hold you,  
  
Cause you've flown away,  
  
So far away,  
  
Never had I imagined,  
  
Living without your smile,  
  
Feeling and knowing you hear me,  
  
It keeps me alive,  
  
Alive,  
  
And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven,  
  
Like so many friends we've lost along the way,  
  
And I know eventually we'll be together,  
  
One sweet day."  
  
Boys II Men feat. Mariah Carey- One Sweet Day  
  
Manny was lying on her bed, staring up at the ceiling, trying to figure out what Emma meant. It had been four hours since the phone conversation and Manny was confused and very sad.  
  
"Manny.... I'll miss you."  
  
What exactly did she mean? Emma had been acting strangely the last few weeks. Nothing made her happy anymore. Manny had never seen Emma that way and it scared her. As far as she knew, Emma's life was perfect. A cool mom, good friends and a guy who really cared about her. What more could she want? Manny sighed as the phone rang. Getting up lazily from the bed, she went over and picked it up.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hello, Manny? It's Emma's mother." Manny bit her lip. Emma's mother sounded as though she'd been crying.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"It's Emma...." Manny waited as Emma's mom broke down into sobs. She grew worried. What had happened to Emma?  
  
"What's wrong? Is Emma okay?" Manny could hear Emma's mom taking deep breaths before she continued.  
  
"She's dead, Manny." Manny's eyes widened. Had she heard right? No, there must be some mistake. Emma couldn't be dead. She had just talked to her a few hours ago.  
  
"W-what? What did you say?"  
  
"She's dead, Manny. She's dead." Manny dropped the phone and sank slowly to the floor, shaking. No, it can't be. Emma's not dead. This is a dream. This is all a bad dream. Manny could hear sobs coming from the phone. She hung it up, not caring to say goodbye. She couldn't. That wasn't Emma's mom. That was some person playing a cruel joke on her, although the sting in Manny's heart told her this was no joke. Tears streamed down Manny's face, but she didn't notice. She had gone completely numb to all feeling. Manny began to feel sick as thoughts raced through her mind. All the fun she'd had with Emma over the years..... that was all gone now. Emma was dead. Gone forever. Manny would never see her again. Never. 


	3. Just Leave Me Alone

"There's no one in town I know,  
  
You gave us someplace to go,  
  
I never said thank you for that,  
  
I thought I might get one more chance,  
  
What would you think of me now?  
  
So lucky, so strong, so proud,  
  
I never said thank you for that,  
  
Now I'll never have a chance,  
  
May angels lead you in,  
  
Hear you me my friends,  
  
On sleepless roads the sleepless go,  
  
May angels lead you in."  
  
Jimmy Eat World- Hear You Me  
  
Manny decided to go to school that Monday. She couldn't stand being at home. It just reminded her of the phone call she had with Emma. To think, she had been on the phone while her friend was killing herself. It was just too much to bear. Manny slug her backpack over her shoulder and began walking to school, trying hard not to think about how just three days ago Emma had been walking to school with her.  
  
She walked up the steps entering the school, ignoring J.T. and Toby who were calling for her.  
  
"Hey, Manny, wait up!" J.T. called. He and Toby ran to catch up to her. Manny ignored them both, looking straight ahead as they described all the mischief they'd gotten into over the weekend.  
  
"So, where's Emma?" Toby asked casually, not knowing the effects his innocent question would have. Manny broke into tears. Embarrassed she ran into the nearest bathroom, plowing right through Sean and Craig. Toby, J.T., Sean and Craig looked after her confused.  
  
"Did I say something wrong?" Toby asked J.T. who shrugged. Craig and Sean walked over to Toby and J.T.  
  
"What's up with Manny?" Sean asked them. Toby and J.T. shook their heads.  
  
"I don't know," J.T. said. "Toby just asked her where Emma was and she started crying."  
  
"You think her and Emma are fighting or something?" Craig asked.  
  
"Probably," Toby said. "Let's wait for Manny to come out and try to cheer her up or something." The boys nodded and went to stand by the entrance of the girls bathroom. This peeked the curiosity of Paige, Hazel, Spinner, Jimmy and Marco who were passing by.  
  
"Hey, what are you all standing around the girls bathroom for?" Paige asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Oh, hey guys!" Craig said greeting his friends. "Manny flipped out and we're trying to see what's up."  
  
"Not like you would care, though," Toby said to Paige.  
  
"You're right, I don't," she said smugly, pulling out a compact mirror and checking her reflection. Toby gave a disgusted sigh and shook his head. Manny emerged from the bathroom looking around curiously at the group. Her eyes were dark red from crying. Lowering her head she began to walk quickly away.  
  
"Manny, wait!" Craig called after her. Reluctantly, Manny stopped and turned to face the group.  
  
"Please," she said before anyone could say anything. "Could you all just leave me alone?"  
  
"What's wrong?" J.T. pressed. "Tell us that and we will."  
  
"Yeah, hun," Paige piped in. "You've attracted the attention of all of us. So please, do tell. Plus, red eyes are just not you."  
  
Manny glared at Paige.  
  
"Leave me alone," she said through gritted teeth. Finding amusement in Manny's anger, Paige decided to keep it up.  
  
"What's wrong, hun? Tell me and I'll let you get back to your nerdy ways. By the way, where's your friend Emma? Still at home planning out every single thing she's gonna do today?"  
  
Hazel and Spinner laughed at Paige's comment. Manny's nostrils flared in anger. She just couldn't take it anymore.  
  
"She's dead, Paige! Dead! So just fuck off and leave me alone. All of you!" Manny screamed and ran through the startled group, out the doors of Degrassi and all the way home, never once looking back. 


	4. Nothing Matters

A/N: This chapter is gonna be really, really, short. Emma's reason for committing suicide is not going to come until near or at the end. Sorry for taking so long to add this chapter and making it short, but I've been writing this story out of order and so some chapters will be great and other's will be BLAH!!! Lol. Here we go!  
  
"One black morning,  
  
When this life is over,  
  
I know I'll see your face,  
  
Every step I take,  
  
Every move I make,  
  
Every single day,  
  
Every time I pray,  
  
I'll be missing you...."  
  
Puff Daddy (P Diddy) feat. Faith Evans and 112- I'll Be Missing You  
  
Manny lay on her bed, tears streaming freely down her face. Emma would never know how much Manny had cared for her and Manny lay in silent regret, wishing she'd told Emma. Maybe then, Emma would still be alive. Maybe.... Manny cried harder. Her best friend, the person who mattered most to her in the world, was gone.  
  
Manny heard someone knocking on the door downstairs. Her mother and father were at work and she was home alone. Getting up grudgingly she headed down the stairs to door. She looked through the peephole and saw Craig. She hesitated. What could he possibly want? She didn't feel like talking to anyone. Looking out at him again she saw that his eyes were red. He'd been crying. Sighing, Manny opened the door. At first, they just stood staring awkwardly at one another. Then Craig spoke.  
  
"I came over 'cause I was um, worried about you," Craig said, looking Manny in the eye. Manny looked down at the floor and fidgeted with the end of her shirt. She wanted to answer him, but she couldn't think of what to say. Craig was worried about her. Craig! But right now it didn't matter. Nothing really mattered anymore.  
  
Craig looked Manny over. Her shirt was wrinkled, her hair was messy and her eyes were puffy and swollen. She looked really bad, but Craig couldn't blame her. Her best friend had died. Emma.... was dead. To his shock Manny fell to the floor and started crying.  
  
"I m-miss her s-so m-much," she stuttered between sobs. Craig felt helpless. He stood there and stared at her for a while, before getting down on his knees and wrapping his arms around her. He held her close to him and she sobbed into his shoulder. He began stroking her hair. He wanted to say something to make her feel better, but he could think of nothing.  
  
He felt Manny push away from him gently. She looked up at him and wiped a tear from his cheek. Craig hadn't even realized he was crying. Manny stared up at him as if waiting for him to say something. Something that would make everything disappear; make Emma come back. Instead of saying something, though, Craig did something that was better than words could ever be. He kissed her. Deeply and sincerely. He wanted all the pain to go away, even if it was just for a second. Manny broke away from the kiss first and melted into his arms, crying again.  
  
Craig had just kissed her. But somehow it didn't matter as much as she thought it would. Nothing really mattered anymore except the fact that Emma was gone and she was never coming back.  
  
A/N: What's a story without a bit of romance, eh? Lolz. I know this one wasn't that good and it was short, but I'll make the next chapters as good as I can, promise. Thanx for all the great reviews so far. I love you all!!!! -Kris xoxoxoxo 


	5. Wake Up Call

Sunny skies  
  
Are cloudy to me  
  
Black sad as can be confusing  
  
We're not doin' all right Happy smile  
  
Has turned in reverse  
  
Before work I must rehearse you Not doin' all right  
  
*'Cause I've got an upset stomach  
  
From a broken heart  
  
A tear stained pillow  
  
From my crying eyes  
  
A migraine headache  
  
That just won't go away  
  
Stevie Wonder- Upset Stomach  
  
Manny didn't go to school the rest of the week. She knew she wouldn't be able to handle it. Everyone would ask her questions and make a fuss over how terrible she must feel. Instead Manny became a couch potato. She watched cheesy soap opera's all day long and thought of Emma and all the fun they used to have. Craig stopped by to visit her a few times, trying to convince her to come back to school. Manny only shook her head and soon he stopped trying to persuade her.  
  
Emma's funeral was probably the worst day of Manny's life. It meant that everything was real. That Emma was really gone. Seeing her lifeless and pale in a coffin was a big slap in the face. Manny had passed out and awaken in her living room, on her couch. Manny's mother was stroking her hair lovingly.  
  
At first when Manny woke up she was happy. 'It was all a dream,' she had thought. She looked around the house calling out for Emma, knowing she'd be there. Manny's mother had looked at her sadly and began to cry as she told her daughter, "No, Manuela, she's gone. Emma is gone, honey. I'm sorry." Manny had run from her then. She ran up to her room and slammed the door. Tears streamed down her face as she screamed back down at her mother, "No! She's not dead! Why are you lying to me? She's not dead!" She had thrown herself on the bed, where she now lay.  
  
It was Sunday, the day after the funeral. Manny stared mindlessly at a picture of her and Emma at an ice cream shop. Emma was smiling widely into the camera. There was strawberry ice cream on the tip of her nose. Manny had seen the ice cream and instead of telling Emma she had laughed while Emma, unknowingly, posed for the picture taken by Emma's mom. Manny smiled to herself, remembering the way Emma had started yelling and laughing when Manny told her about the ice cream afterwards.  
  
Sighing, Manny went to straighten out her backpack to get ready for school. She had decided to go this week. Another day at home watching soap opera's and crying her eyes out weren't going to help anything. Besides, she knew she wasn't the only one who missed Emma. Tons of kids from Degrassi had shown up for the funeral. Manny had ignored them, though. She knew it would be easier if she let them help her, but she didn't want any help. She just wanted to be left alone.  
  
She heard a soft knock on her door, which was followed by her mom's voice.  
  
"Manuela, I have some dinner here for you," her mom said softly.  
  
"I'm not hungry," Manny said back. She threw herself on her bed and pulled her thick, blue quilt around her.  
  
"But Manny, you haven't eaten all week!" her mother protested. Manny couldn't see her mother since the door was closed, but she knew her mother well enough to know that she was crying, even if she was trying to sound cheerful.  
  
"I said I'm NOT hungry!" Manny yelled at her. She didn't care about hurting her mother's feelings anymore. Why couldn't everyone just go away and stop worrying about her? She heard her mother sniff and walk away, her footsteps echoing in the halls. Manny closed her eyes, holding back tears that were threatening to pour. Why did she treat her mother that way? Why didn't she care anymore? Manny thought of at least one million things she could've done differently in the past few years of her life that would have probably made her life better. 'If only I knew then, what I know now,' she thought sadly as she drifted off into a dreamless sleep.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"I know what happened may be hard for you all to deal with," Mr. Simpson said in class that Monday. He was, of course, talking about Emma. Manny stared hard at her computer, willing herself not to think about it or listen to what Mr. Simpson was saying. Try as hard as she might, she still heard every word. "But we have to deal with it together. It'll make it easier. Any thing you're feeling on the subject you should tell."  
  
"Subject!" J.T. said angrily. "Emma's death isn't some 'subject'! She KILLED herself! How can you just talk about this like it's an everyday thing? How?" At this point J.T. was crying and so were a few other people.  
  
Mr. Simpson nodded sadly. "I'm sorry," he said. "I really should have said that differently. It's just.... it's hard for me, too. I wasn't just her teacher. I was her stepfather, too." Mr. Simpson stared at the floor, blinking rapidly. Manny knew he was fighting back tears.  
  
"I'm sorry, too, Mr. Simpson," J.T. said, looking sympathetically at his teacher. Mr. Simpson nodded.  
  
"Mr. Simpson?" someone called out. Manny turned to see Liberty with her hand in the air.  
  
"Yes, Liberty?"  
  
"I was wondering, if I uh," Liberty stumbled for words, her hands clasping and unclasping nervously. Never in her life did Manny think she'd see Liberty struggling for words. But it didn't really surprise her. Nothing surprised her anymore.  
  
"What is it, Liberty," Mr. Simpson asked curiously.  
  
"Well, if it's ok with everyone, I was wondering if I could do a sort of documentary on Emma. I would interview people to see how they felt about Emma and suicide. That way, people who never knew Emma before would know what a great person she was and people who were considering suicide would know how stupid it was take your own life. They would see how it affected everyone she was close to and maybe they would think twice. A kind of tribute to Emma and a warning to those thinking about suicide. I mean, that is, if it's ok with everybody." Liberty looked meekly around the room, waiting for someone to say something. At first, everyone was silent, thinking hard about what Liberty had just said. Then someone spoke.  
  
"I, uh, I think that would be a good idea, Liberty," Manny said, smiling slightly. Liberty's eyes lit up. Slowly, everyone in the room begin agreeing that it would be a good idea.  
  
"Okay, Liberty," Mr. Simpson said. "You have everyone's consent to do a documentary on Emma." Liberty smiled and looked at Manny.  
  
"I won't let you down, I promise," she said. Manny nodded gratefully.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Hey, Manny, wait up!" Liberty called to Manny as the last bell sounded, signaling the end of school. Manny had been on her way out of school, but stopped to wait for Liberty.  
  
"Hey, Liberty," she said, smiling a bit. Liberty smiled back.  
  
"I was wondering," Liberty began, "if you'd be my first interview? I think it would really mean something if we started it out with the victi- Emma's best friend."  
  
Manny thought for a while. Then she shook her head. "I don't think so," she said, sadly. "I, uh, I don't really want to talk about it yet."  
  
"Oh," Liberty said disappointed. "Ok, I'll find someone else then." She smiled understandingly at Manny. "I was hoping I could have either you, Sean or Toby. Toby won't talk to anybody, though. Have you seen him? He's a zombie. Not even J.T. can get through to him. And Sean..... well, I heard right after you told them what happened to Emma he went into some kinda breakdown. He started throwing things and screaming and crying. The cops had to come to school and get him. He hasn't been back to school since. I hope he's alright. Well, I have to go. See you!" Liberty smiled again at Manny, before walking in the opposite direction to go home.  
  
Manny thought hard about what Liberty had said. Poor Toby.... Poor Sean. Manny knew she'd have to go and talk to him. 'Not today, though,' she thought to herself. 'I'm not strong enough to do it today...'  
  
A/N: Now tell me, is the story getting better or worse??? I HAVE TO KNOW!!!! Lolz. K, for the people who keep asking, Emma's reason for suicide and depression (which are the same thing) will come near or @ the end of the story. Not quite sure yet. It will definitely be a surprise and a shock to everyone, though. Someone led her to doing it. Who, you ask. Keep reading to find out! I know the suspense is killing you and I just love torturing people. ::evil grin:: lolz. REVIEW!!!! -Kris xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  
  
P.S. Next chapter will be more on Liberty and her interview. Her first real interview will be Jimmy, though I think I'll make it to where she hears random students opinion, before really having the interview. Who's she interviewing after Jimmy? Why Spinner of course! But he's still another chapter away. And trust me, his interview will be very..... unSpinner-ish! Keep reading to find out what I mean. Love you all! 


	6. Everybody Hurts

"When the day is long and the night , the night is yours alone ,  
  
when you're sure you've had enough of this life , well hang on.  
  
Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes......  
  
...when you think you've had too much of this life , well hang on.  
  
Everybody hurts . Take comfort in your friends .  
  
Everybody hurts . Don't throw your hand . Oh, no. Don't throw your hand ."  
  
REM- Everybody Hurts  
  
It was Tuesday morning and Liberty was setting up an empty classroom to do the interviews with students. She had decided to do mini-interviews first; short interviews with people who barely knew Emma or didn't know her at all. Liberty had gone on the Degrassi school website the night before and posted a message about her interview for other students to see, giving them the times to come. She had also called Mr. Raditch (A/N: I don't think I spelled it right.....) and he had told her about the empty classroom and had given her permission to use it.  
  
She sighed and looked around. She had pushed all the things she wouldn't need along the walls. In the center of the room was a chair and a video camera. The chair was directly in front of the camera, so that when the person talked they didn't have to worry about standing in a certain place. They could just sit and talk freely while Liberty taped them. Liberty heard a knock on the door and went to open it. A short boy with dirty blond hair stood nervously staring at the floor.  
  
"Is this the room for the interview?" he asked, still looking at the floor.  
  
"Yes," Liberty answered smiling. "Did you come to talk about Emma?"  
  
The boy nodded. "My friends and I did. We all heard what happened and we felt sorry for the people who knew her. Tonya read your post on the school website and thought we should come."  
  
"Tonya?" Liberty asked. The boy made a hand gesture to the people behind him, whom Liberty had not noticed. There was a tall, lanky brown-haired boy, a short, chubby black girl, a girl with long brown hair and freckles, and a small, meek looking boy with fiery red hair.  
  
"Tonya is the one with the brown hair," the boy said. "My name is John." Liberty nodded.  
  
"I'll have to see you one at time," she said, looking at John. He nodded.  
  
"I'll go first," he said and Liberty led him into the classroom and shut the door.  
  
"Sit there," she said, pointing to the chair. John did as he was told and sat down. Liberty went and positioned herself behind the camera, pressing the ON button. The camera hummed to life. "Anytime you're ready," she said, smiling at John. John nodded.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* A/N: Okay, I decided to try something new. You're going to hear all the interviews piece by piece. For the sake of speeding things up I'm going to let them do the interview in random order and quotes. You know how on movies when people have to get interviewed and it shows all of them, but after one person says something it goes to another person; that person says something and it goes to someone else and so on and so forth? It's gonna be like that. You'll see what I mean and hopefully it won't be too confusing for you. Here I go. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"I guess the only question a person can ask after what's happened is 'why?'" Sam, the tall brown-haired boy said. "Why would a person kill themselves? Even if life does get bad, there's always a different solution. Dying won't solve anything. It'll only give the people who loved you grief."  
  
"I knew this girl once," Tara, the black girl, said, playing with her necklace. "She used to go around talking about suicide all the time. She'd do the whole 'woe is me' thing and go around mopping. But when you asked her what was wrong, she wouldn't say anything. So anyways, she moved a year ago and no one ever found out what was wrong with her. I, personally don't think there was anything wrong. I think she did it all for the attention."  
  
"For a person to take their lives, is just, wrong!" Tonya said forcefully, looking straight into the camera. "It's a sin! Life is the greatest gift of all and to throw it all away like that..... I mean, sure life gets rough, but there's always an upside to it."  
  
"I had a friend who killed himself once," Scott, the red haired kid began. "He was a great guy. Always goofing off and making girls laugh. We were all shocked when we heard he'd done that. Tommy, uh, that was his name, was the guy I admired most. I remember wishing I was just like him. And then when I woke up one morning and heard that he'd hung himself..... I couldn't believe it! I thought for sure I was still dreaming. But I wasn't. Tommy was really gone."  
  
"I feel sorry for her friends," John said, still not able to bring himself to look at the camera. He stared intently at the floor instead. "They're the ones who are gonna have to deal with this now. And that's the funny thing about suicide. While you're dead set on believing the whole worlds against you and no one knows your pain, you're inflicting more pain on those who love you. They want to help you and you think no one can help you and it's a no win type situation. And then when the person finally goes and kills themselves, their friends and family are now the ones feeling like the worlds against them. And before you know it, it could turn into this whole chain reaction. I heard the girl, Emma, was smart and everything, but I don't think she thought everything out clearly. Cuz if she had, she'd still be here right now."  
  
"I keep wondering what was going through Tommy's mind while he put the noose around his neck," Scott continued. "Did he feel regret? Pain? Was he even thinking? What if he saw the solution to his problem right before he died? What if he thought, 'Oh, no, what have I done,' at the last second when he couldn't turn back?" Scott paused and looked around the classroom. Sighing, he began again. "I know I'm rambling, but I've needed to get this all out for so long. Tommy's suicide really hurt me, just like Emma's suicide hurt the people who cared about her. I just hope that people who watch this, if they're thinking about suicide or knows someone who is, really think about everything. Really see the world for more than just a hateful place. Really see their friends and talk to someone and get help. Because the death of a loved one really does hurt, more than you know. Until you lose someone, you never know how horrible it feels to wake up and know that they're not there anymore; that you can't call them up on the phone and ask them how life's going or go hang someplace and just chill. They're gone. And they're never coming back."  
  
"I don't think that Emma did it for attention, though," Tara said. "I think she had a reason. Even though there's really no reason to take your own life. Still, maybe it all just got to her. Maybe she saw that the world had suddenly changed from the innocence and care free living of childhood, to a cruel, unfair place of hatred and sorrow. And if she did and I had known her I would've told her, 'Well, sweetie. That's what being a teenager is all about.'"  
  
"I get picked on all the time by my brothers, my dad's a drunk, my mom could care less about her kids and my fifteen year old sister is pregnant," Sam said angrily, clenching his hands into fists. "On top of that, kids at school are always on my back about the way I dress, or the way I act, I have few friends, I work two hard jobs trying to help my sister out, and my dad, that prick, goes and spends most of the money I make on booze. Our rents due and we might be getting evicted. So, yeah, I have major problems as well, but you don't see me going and committing suicide. I just wish I had known this girl. That way, she could've seen how hard I struggle and maybe she would have changed her mind."  
  
"I guess, all I'm trying to say is," Tonya said, looking sadly at the camera. "Life is worth living no matter how hard it gets and I feel sorry for that girl, because she never gave herself a chance to live. Maybe nobody ever told her just how special she was and how much her life meant to other people around her. Or maybe she never listened." Tonya sniffed and blinked back tears. She hadn't expected it to be this hard to give an interview on someone she hadn't known, but other people HAD known her. They had loved her and she was gone. "My message to people is don't give up, no matter how hard or painful it all seems. Like I said before, there's ALWAYS an upside. You just have to look for it. That's all."  
  
Liberty smiled at Tonya as she hit the OFF button on the camera. "Thank you," she said. Tonya nodded and left the room.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"So, you guys wanna do something after school today?" Paige asked, staring at her group of friends hopefully. Ever since Emma's death everyone had been acting differently. They had all been drifting apart. To Paige's disappointment, her friends, Hazel, Spinner, Jimmy, Marco and Terri all shook their heads no. Paige sighed. "Are you sure?" she asked, though she knew it was hopeless.  
  
"Yea, I'm sure," Marco answered. "I don't really feel like hanging out or having fun what with all that's happening." The other's agreed with Marco.  
  
"I was gonna give an interview today for Liberty," Jimmy said quietly. "Maybe we could all do that." Again everyone shook their heads.  
  
"I really don't want to talk about what happened," Terri said sadly. "It's just hard." Jimmy nodded in understanding as the rest of his friends headed out of Degrassi on their way home. Jimmy went to find Liberty and the classroom where she was doing the interviews. He had wanted to come that morning, but was too tired. So he had decided to do an interview with her after school.  
  
Finally, Jimmy found the classroom. He knocked on the door and entered before anyone could answer. He saw Liberty sitting in a corner at a desk working on something. 'Homework probably,' he thought. Liberty smiled as she saw him and Jimmy smiled weakly back.  
  
"Are you here to talk about Emma?" she asked hopefully. Her smile widened as he nodded his head. "Sit there," she said, pointing at the chair. She put down whatever she had been doing and walked over to the camera. "I'm gonna turn it on now. You ready?" Jimmy nodded and Liberty turned the camera on.  
  
Jimmy looked around the room, unsure of himself. He had wanted to say something, anything, but words escaped him now. "I, uh.... I, um," he began, rubbing his sweaty hands on his jeans. He looked at Liberty who gave him a small smile of encouragement. "I never really knew Emma that well," Jimmy said, feeling a bit more comfortable. "I mean, sure I saw her around a lot and even kinda talked to her on occasions, but I never really knew her. But from what I did see of her, well, she always seemed so confident. So okay with her life. You can pretty much imagine my shock when I heard she'd, uh.... she'd killed herself." Jimmy hung his head remembering the terrible feeling he'd had after Manny's outburst. He'd gone through the rest of his morning in disbelief. "I couldn't believe it. I mean.... Emma?! But then another name went through my head right after. Sean." Jimmy laughed a bit before continuing.  
  
"Once upon a time me and him were the best of friends. But everything changed when he got held back. We ended up fighting. I remember Emma had tried to stop us, but we were too head strong. We didn't listen. But right then I felt sorry for him. I knew this was hurting him. When he blew up at school, I was the one who ran to him first. I tried to calm him down. But there's was nothing I could do and he didn't listen to me. He ended up being escorted by the cops out of school. I felt so bad. I've been planning to visit him, but it'll be a while before I do. He's got so much to handle with Emma and everything." Jimmy put his head in his hands and began massaging his temples. He was starting to get a bad headache which was probably from all the pain and guilt he was feeling. He felt guilty because he couldn't be there for Sean. Jimmy sighed.  
  
"Emma seemed like a real nice girl and I know everybody's gonna miss her. I went to her funeral on Saturday. That was probably the saddest thing that's ever happened in my life. So many people miss her. And Manny..... when she passed out at the funeral I wanted to help her so bad. But I felt so helpless. It's scary, you know. Not being able to help someone." Jimmy cleared his throat and looked back up at the camera. "I um.... I'm sorry to everyone who knew her. And I.... I guess.... I'll miss her, too. Goodbye Emma. Sorry everything ended the way it did." Jimmy did his best to smile, but found it hard. Liberty hit the off button on the camera.  
  
"Thank you," she said, blinking back tears. The interviews were turning out to be harder than she thought they would be. Jimmy smiled.  
  
"Anytime," he said, before leaving. Liberty went back to sit at the desk she had been working at before Jimmy came. Instead of completing her work, though, she struggled to hold back tears. This documentary was turning out to be harder than she thought.  
  
"I don't think I can do this," Liberty said, letting the tears spill out from her eyes. Never before in her life had Liberty thought she wouldn't succeed at something. But then again things had never been so hard. All of the sudden everything felt so real to Liberty and it hurt. "I really don't want to fail, but I can't do this." The thought of failing only made Liberty cry harder. But Liberty knew she couldn't give up. She owed Manny. She owed Emma. Wiping away her tears, she picked up her assignments and began working again. She had to finish it before she awoke tomorrow to come to school for more interviews.  
  
A/N: Seems to be an author's note on every chapter, eh? How are you all liking the story so far? It's really sad, but that's the way I wanted it to be. I want to make people think. Thinking is good for you!!! Lolz. Next chapter will be Spinner's interview. Trust me, this will be so unlike Spinner it'll make your head Spin! Lolz. Make your head Spin..... get it? ::shrugs:: Well I thought it was funny. Review, please. Love, Kris Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo  
  
P.S. Manny visits Sean in the chapter after Spinner's interview. Be prepared for a lot more tears. As for the Manny and Craig thing.... hmmm, what do you all think? Should Manny and Craig try the love thing again or should I just let it go and let them have that one kiss? Review and lemme know. Love you all!!!!!  
  
P.P.S. Remember all you impatient people. The more you read the closer you get to Emma's reason. I know the suspense sucks, but what's a good story without a little suspense?  
  
Update: I don't know if I'm going to post the Spinner chapter. It seems a little too un-Spinner-ish. We'll see.... 


	7. I'm Sorry Spinners Interview

"I know I was wrong  
  
For treating you the way I did (The way I did....ohhhh...)  
  
I had so much on my mind (ohhh......)  
  
I didn't know where you fit in (awwwww....)  
  
And if I could do it all over again (again....)  
  
I'd never treat you that way (I'd never treat you that way again.....again....)  
  
I apologize for the pain that I've caused (oohhhh.....)  
  
And I just wanna say (I just wanna say.....)  
  
I'm sorry (I'm sorry)  
  
So sorry (So sorry)  
  
For treating you the way I did...."  
  
All 4 One- I'm Sorry  
  
"Hey, Spinner! Thanks for coming," Liberty said as Spinner entered the room. They were in the empty classroom Liberty had been using to interview the people for her documentary. Spinner looked around and observed the room. Sun streamed through the slightly dusty window in the left corner of the room. Chairs and desks were pushed towards the walls, with the exception of a single chair in the middle of the room. Spinner went to it and sat down. He was now face to face with the video camera Liberty was using to do the documentary. After Jimmy had gone to give the interview the previous day, Spinner decided he'd give one, too. There was a lot he needed to get off his chest. He'd called Liberty and she'd told him to meet her in the morning. Now, here he was, nervous, but ready.  
  
"Anytime you're ready, Spinner," Liberty said as she pressed the ON button on the camera. Spinner nodded and stared at the floor. So many thoughts went through his head, but still he didn't know where to start. He listened to the soft hum of the camera and tried to imagine himself being anywhere, doing anything except giving an interview about his feelings towards a girl he barely knew who had killed herself. He looked up at Liberty who smiled encouragingly at him. He took a deep breath and spoke, letting all the words that he'd never thought he'd say; never wanted to say before now spill out from him.  
  
"I, uh, guess I never really knew Emma. I mean, sure I'd see her around hanging out with all her friends and stuff, but I never really got to know her. She always seemed so busy. So... happy. So when I heard that she'd.... done this I couldn't believe it. But unlike everyone else who felt sad and curious, I felt guilty. Yea, I know what you're thinking, me, Spinner.. guilty?!?!" He chuckled a little and ran a shaky hand through his hair. He wanted to stop, but he knew he had to get this all out. Sighing, he started again. "But I was. I had never been nice to Emma. I had never really said one good word to her all the time I've known her. No.... instead I picked on her. I made other people laugh at her expense. She didn't deserve that. But I didn't stop. And Emma..... she seemed so strong through it all. She never let what I said to her bother her. And so I thought she never really cared. But now I wonder, what if she did? What if she just never showed it?  
  
"I know nobody ever expected anything out of me. Never expected me to be anything other than a-a jerk. Never thought I'd ever say something like this. But now that I see how I was, I guess I should have expected better from me." Spinner nervously laughed and stared out the window. He heard Liberty make an odd, sort of strangled noise and knew she was holding back tears. It made what Spinner was about to say all the more harder. "And that's why I, uh, I blame myself for her death."  
  
"But Spin-" Liberty tried to protest, but Spinner held up his hand to silence her.  
  
"Please, Liberty," he said, looking her in the eye. Liberty looked away from his stare. There was so much pain there. And tears too. Liberty couldn't believe that this was the same Spinner who used to put grade sevens in lockers and trashcans just for the fun of it. That was why Liberty had to fight not to cry. To see Spinner like this..... She heard Spinner clear his throat and knew he was ready to start again.  
  
"When I heard she'd k-killed herself I panicked. I thought everyone would blame me like I blamed myself. I thought she had left a note behind telling everyone how cruel I was. And you know what? Even thought she didn't, I kinda wish she had. So people could see me for who I really was. A cruel piece of shit!" Spinner looked away from the camera again, wishing he could just get up and leave. But he wouldn't. When he looked back a tear was rolling down his cheek.  
  
"And what I just really wanted to say is, um, Emma, if you can uh, hear me," Spinner laughed to himself, realizing how gay he must sound. "Emma, I'm sorry. I really am..... that's all." Another tear rolled silently down his cheek as he sighed and hung his head.  
  
Liberty hit the OFF button, and looked at Spinner concerned. "You ok?" she asked him cautiously. She was afraid he'd break down or something. This was so unlike Spinner. Spinner nodded.  
  
"Yea, I'm fine," he said, getting up and walking towards the door to leave.  
  
"I could edit your interview out, if you want," Liberty offered. Spinner froze for a second, considering what she'd just said. Then he shook his head.  
  
"No, Liberty, don't. I, uh, I owe her that much." Liberty nodded. Once Spinner left, Liberty went to sit in the seat he had sat in during his interview. There, she began to cry, not realizing that she'd accidentally hit the ON button for the camera. Though if she had known, it probably wouldn't have mattered.  
  
A/N ::cries madly:: This is getting sad. I know some of you are probably thinking, "Please, Spinner would never say stuff like that or cry in front of Liberty!" But let me tell you, when someone you know commits suicide, whether they were your best friend or someone you picked on from time to time, it does things to you. You change in some way or the other. Trust me on this one. And besides, it makes the story all the more sad and heartwarming to see Spinner of all people that way. I know this chapter was a bit shorter than the others and I apologize. Review people! Love, Kris Xoxoxoxo  
  
P.S. Should I continue with the sad songs in the beginning of each chapter? Lemme know, please! The next chapter is one some of you have been waiting for. Manny visits Sean!!!!!! But I won't post it unless I get feedback, so REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!!  
  
P.P.S. I know Spinner's interview sounded kinda like Jimmy's, but I wrote this chapter before writing the one about Jimmy and I guess I was still set in the mindframe of Spinner's interview or something. ::shrugs:: Anyhoo, next chapter may take a while. This story is depressing me and I know the whole Manny visits Sean thing is gonna make me breakdown or something. Plus, I have school to worry about so you're gonna have to bear with me. Ok? Love ya!  
  
P.P.P.S. Lolz, sorry about all the post scripts, but I promise I'll get to EVERYONE'S feelings on Emma, k? Her mom, too. Just give me time, geez. The reason I focused so much on Manny is because I thought it would make the story more interesting from her point of view. The next few chapters will take a while, but I'll try and make them worth it. K? 


	8. We're In This Together

"I was just a child but you seemed like so much more.  
  
The way you would approach me and drift across the floor  
  
I'd see you in the hall and you'd kiss me with a smile.  
  
I never understood it was I even worth your while?  
  
The other kids at school they would hate me and they'd spit.  
  
Cuz I was just a no one to them I wasn't shit.  
  
But you would always hold me and stand there by my side...  
  
"...I'll forever love you even in your doom  
  
We'll always be together cuz we're both under the moon."  
  
ICP- Under The Moon  
  
Manny knocked softly on the door of Sean's house. She bit her fingernails nervously as she waited for someone to answer. When no answer came, she tried to peer through the dusty windows to see if anyone was coming, but she could see nothing through the grime. Sighing she knocked again. 'I know you're here, Sean,' she thought to herself. She looked impatiently around at his yard, hoping he would emerge from the side of the house and greet her, but no one came and the yard remained empty. Manny wiped her forehead with the back of her hand as sweat trickled down her face. The sun beat hot and heavy against her uncovered head and Manny hopped from one foot to another, shifting her weight as her legs grew tired, wishing she was at home in her air conditioned room.  
  
"C'mon Sean, please open the door," Manny said to herself, knocking again. She bit her bottom lip in defeat, realizing no one was home. Her shoulders sagging, she turned to walk through his trash filled yard back to her home. She'd try again tomorrow. Just as she reached the gate at the front of his yard she heard the door to Sean's house open behind her.  
  
"Manny?" Sean asked, surprised to see her there, though he knew he should've expected it. Manny turned around to face him, offering him a small smile, though she did not receive one in return.  
  
"Hi, Sean!" she said a little too cheerily. Sean only looked at her as if she were some strange foreigner whose language he did not understand. Manny took a deep breath and continued, "I, um, came to see if you were okay." Sean walked closer to her, stopping about three feet away. His face was expressionless, and his eyes empty. Manny had never seen Sean this way before and she shivered a little. Still, she had to be there for him. He cared about Emma almost as much as she did. He knew how she felt more than anybody else. She needed him and she knew he needed her, too. She tried again to talk to him, hoping he'd respond.  
  
"I heard about what happened at school," she said, keeping her eyes level with his, even though he appeared to be staring right through her. "I was worried about you." At hearing this Sean made a noise that sounded almost like a chuckle. 'What's wrong with him?' Manny thought to herself. "I just want to help you, Sean. You can talk to me."  
  
"YOU want to help ME?!" Sean said forcefully. He looked at Manny with great disgust. Manny took a step back, afraid of him. She hadn't expected him to be like this. Maybe she'd come to talk to him too soon. Or did she come too late? Manny wasn't sure.  
  
"Y-yea, I wanna help you," Manny stuttered, her chin trembling with fear. "I thought we were friends."  
  
"FRIENDS!" Sean screamed in disbelief. Manny took another step back, her eyes filling with tears. Why was Sean acting this way?  
  
"S-Sean, calm down," Manny said, holding her hands out in front of her as if to ward him away.  
  
"You were never my friend!" Sean said, walking towards Manny as she continued to back away. "Not ever! You only put up with me, because she did! If it weren't for her, I wouldn't even exist to you!" Manny knew the "her" he was referring to was Emma. Taking deep breaths and trying hard not to cry, Manny continued to stare at Sean horrified, and at a loss for words. Sean's face was red and contorted due to anger. Still, he kept walking towards her. Manny felt her back bump against something hard. She glanced quickly behind her and realized that Sean had cornered her at his gate. She felt herself about to panic. Sean was delirious and Manny was afraid he'd hurt her.  
  
"S-Sean, please, I'm sorry," Manny said, her voice cracking. "You d-did exist to me. I swear. Please don't be mad at me." Sean stared hard at Manny breathing heavily. His eyes seemed to lighten a little and Manny thought she was starting to get through to him. She put her hand cautiously on his shoulder and relaxed a little when he didn't pull away. "I'm sorry," she said again.  
  
"Leave," Sean said, his voice low. Manny thought she'd misunderstood him and asked, "What?" "LEAVE!" Sean shouted, grabbing Manny's hand and pushing her away. "Leave now!"  
  
Manny began to tremble and tears slid down her cheeks. "B-but Sean, I just want to help you. I know how you feel. I can relate to-"  
  
"Bullshit!" Sean said, cutting Manny off mid-sentence. "You don't know how I feel! You know nothing!" Sean was shaking with anger now. His skin was a deep red and his fists were clenched at his sides.  
  
"I cared about her too, Sean!" Manny yelled back at him, fed up with the way he was treating her. Couldn't he see that he wasn't the only one suffering from the effects of Emma's suicide? He was being so selfish and all Manny wanted to do was help. "You aren't the only one in pain! I miss her, too! But pushing everyone away won't solve anything! You'll only hurt more!"  
  
Sean seemed surprised at Manny's outburst and stood staring at her with his mouth slightly open. All too quickly, though, he resumed his previous state of rage. "I said LEAVE!" Sean yelled, grabbing Manny by the shoulders. He shook her as he yelled, "You know NOTHING! Leave me alone! Alright? You understand that? Leave me the fuck alone!" He released Manny, who was now sobbing uncontrollably. She stared at him, crying, for a moment as if unsure of what to do. Then, she turned and ran away from him. She ran all the way home, never once looking back. She had an odd feeling in the pit of her stomach, kind of like the feeling she'd had when Emma had died, though she couldn't really identify what it was until she got home. It was the feeling of loss.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Manny lay crying in her bed that evening. She kept reliving the scene with her and Sean. She had never seen him so angry before. The way he had screamed at her gave her goosebumps. Manny could still feel his hands on her arms, gripping them painfully. She knew she'd have bruises to remind her of what happened for a while, not that she would easily forget. But what made things worse was that some of the things Sean had said had stuck. Was she ever really his friend? What if he and Emma had never dated? Would she have even acknowledged his existence?  
  
Manny stared hard at the picture of Emma and her on her desk. It was the one at the ice cream shop, Manny's favorite. Manny's eyes rested upon Emma's smiling face. Instead of feeling the usual feelings of sadness, curiosity, and loss- the feelings she felt everytime she thought of Emma- Manny felt anger. She was ANGRY at Emma. Her nostrils flared and she grabbed the picture and held it clenched tightly in her grasp. A tear dripped from her cheek onto the frame as she stared down hard at the picture.  
  
"Why did you do it, Emma?" She asked the photo angrily. She had half- expected the picture of Emma to answer back, to give her an acceptable reason as to why Emma took her own life. But the picture remained silent. "WHY?! Huh, why did you do it Emma? Why did you hurt everyone like this? Why did you leave me? Huh? WHY?" Manny screamed at the picture. She threw the photo at the wall hard and heard the glass break satisfyingly on impact. Manny shook with sobs, as she rocked herself back and forth on her bed. Her tears flowed endlessly, dropping to the floor and forming small puddles that would eventually surrender to being wiped up by napkins.  
  
'This is probably how Sean feels,' Manny thought suddenly. With dawning comprehension she understood Sean's rage completely. He wanted answers that no one could give him. Unanswered questions lead to holes in your soul's core; Holes that would never be filled. That lead to sadness and sadness lead to.... anger. 'He just wanted answers.... Answers I, nor anyone can give him, because I don't have them myself.' Manny lay down on her bed and curled herself into a ball. For a second she wondered how it would feel to die. She could do it the same way Emma had. She'd just take a few pills and fall asleep and never wake up again. It would be easy. Her mom had tons of medication pills due to her mom's bipolar disorder. Manny could just steal a few of those and.....  
  
Manny sat up in shock, breathing hard. Had she really just had those thoughts? Was she actually considering committing suicide? Manny clamped her hands over her ears and hummed to herself trying to drown out the thoughts that had invaded her mind. She wasn't going to commit suicide! She was stupid for even considering it! Manny hummed louder, squeezing her eyes shut. She wished she could escape from everything.... Emma, Sean, Craig, her parents, the pain, everything. She got so lost in her thoughts that she didn't hear someone knock on the door, nor did she hear them enter, as she had failed to lock it earlier when she had come running in from Sean's house.  
  
"Manny?" a startled, familiar voice said. At first Manny thought she'd just imagined the voice and ignored it. Getting the sensation that someone was watching her, though, she looked up to see Sean staring at her, concerned. Manny froze, staring at him. He looked back at her, his mouth opening and closing, obviously having trouble finding words to speak. Finally, Manny found her voice.  
  
"What are you doing here?" she asked him, her voice harsh. Sean flinched at Manny's anger, but answered with a soft, calm voice, "I wanted to talk to you." Manny only glared at him, unsure of what to say. Here was her chance to get back at him; to yell at him and tell him to leave so that he could feel as rotten as she had. But for some reason she kept her mouth shut. Maybe she should hear what he had to say. Letting herself calm down visibly, she looked at Sean expectantly.  
  
"Um," he said at a loss for words, taken aback by her sudden calm. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, suddenly finding them a heavy nuisance; useless things that just stuck out from the bottom of his arms, having no real value whatsoever. "I-I'm sorry," he continued as she cocked an eyebrow at him. Why was she making this so difficult? 'Well, I wasn't very helpful either when she tried to talk to me,' Sean thought to himself. 'I deserve this.'  
  
"Manny, you were only trying to be there for me," he said, finding his voice. "I don't know why I treated you the way I did. You didn't deserve that. It's just that...." His voice trailed off. It was so hard to put his feelings into words and Sean knew that if he tried to he would cry and he was more than tired of crying.  
  
"What is it, Sean?" Manny said, her brow furrowed with concern and curiosity. When Sean continued to hesitate Manny said, "Sean, you can talk to me. I'll listen. I may even be able to help you.... If you let me." Her last few words were spoken with a hint of accusation, which Sean caught onto. He walked over to Manny's bed and sat beside her. He sat with his elbows on his knees and his head hanging down for a while. When he looked up at Manny, there were tears in his eyes.  
  
"Why did she do it, Manny?" Sean asked, looking at her hopefully, desperate for an answer. A tear rolled down his cheek as Manny shook her head sadly. She couldn't give him an answer, because if she did, she'd only be lying to him. Sean nodded sadly. "It was my fault, wasn't it, Manny? Wasn't it? If I had only been better.... If I hadn't been so much of a screw-up this never would've happened. I messed her life up! Don't shake your head, it's true!" Manny was shaking her head profusely. Fresh tears snaked their way down her cheeks and landed on her thick quilt where they were quickly absorbed. Manny wrapped her arms around Sean's shoulders and pulled him into a hug, one in which he quickly consented to. He cried into Manny's shoulder, as she whispered, "Not your fault, not your fault, not your fault," over and over again, hoping to console him. This continued for a while until Sean finally calmed down and his crying ceased to muffled sniffs every now and then. He made no attempt to break away from Manny, nor did she even consider releasing him. Manny stroked his back and rocked him. She remembered that Sean had never really had a mother figure in his life and wondered if she was the first one to ever hold him like this. After a while, Sean slowly pulled away from her, smiling a bit.  
  
"Thank you," Sean said, his voice sounding strange as it broke the silence that had permeated the house moments before. Manny smiled softly in return. Sean glanced at the clock on Manny's wall. He'd been there for over two hours, though it felt like much less than that. "I guess I'd better go," Sean said, half wishing Manny would tell him to stay longer, but she only nodded her agreement. Sean slowly rose from Manny's bed and Manny followed him. They walked downstairs to the door, where Sean paused and turned to Manny.  
  
"Manny, forget everything I said earlier at my house," he said, his voice heavy with shame. "I didn't mean it. And I, um, just want you to know that you mean a lot to me. And if I lost you, too, I, um, don't really know what I would do. Please don't do anything, like what Emma did. Promise me you won't."  
  
"I promise," Manny said smiling sincerely at him. He smiled back.  
  
"Is it cool if I come over tomorrow?" he asked. Manny nodded. He smiled at her, gave her a hug, and left. Manny locked the door behind him before going back upstairs to her room. She flopped down on her bed lazily, not bothering to change into her sleeping clothes. It had been a long day and she was too tired. She pulled her quilt over her, turned off her bedside lamp, and almost instantly she was asleep.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Manny was confused. She was in some sort of field. At the edge of the field was a big waterfall. She was about to call out for help when she felt someone tug her arm.  
  
"C'mon, Manny," Emma said, smiling at her best friend. She tried to pull Manny towards the waterfall. "I wanna jump off the cliff into the water. Come with me! C'mon!" Emma laughed happily as Manny followed her. They walked over to the edge of the field to the fall. Manny studied the waterfall, looking over the cliff at where the water hit the awaiting water at the bottom. But to Manny's shock, there was no water at the end of the waterfall. There was only rock. And Emma was going to jump!  
  
"Emma, don't!" Manny called to her, but Emma ignored her. Suddenly, Sean appeared standing next to the waterfall. "Sean!" Manny called, running over to him. "Emma's gonna jump! We have to stop her! What if she gets hurt? What if she dies? We can stop her, can't we?" Manny went on, rambling out of fear. Sean held up his hand to silence her.  
  
"I'm sorry, Manny," he said sadly. "You're asking me questions I can't answer." And with that, he disappeared. Staring dumbly at where Sean had previously stood, Manny trembled. She had to stop Emma. She had to! Turning back to Emma, she saw her friend by the edge of the waterfall preparing to jump. Manny tried to run to her, but a strong wind suddenly blew and she couldn't move.  
  
"Emma, stop!" Manny screamed, hoping her voice would be heard over the wind. But Emma only turned to look at Manny and smile.  
  
"I'll miss you, Manny," Emma said, sounding like she did on the phone the day she committed suicide.  
  
"Emma, why are you doing this?" Manny called to her, tears streaming down her face. "Why?!" Emma didn't hear her though. Emma took a deep breath and jumped over the edge.  
  
"Emma, WHY?!" Manny called after her. But it was too late. Emma was gone.~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Manny awoke from her dream, crying and sweating. She looked around and found herself in her room, no field, no waterfall, and no Emma in sight. Clutching her pillow tightly, Manny took deep breaths in and out, wanting to go back to sleep; wanting to relive the dream, but stop Emma from jumping. Try as hard as she might, though, Manny didn't sleep the rest of the night.  
  
A/N: Finally another chapter!!!! Yay! Lolz! Hopefully I'll get the next one up sooner than I did this one. The next one will be one where Liberty visits Emma's mom, Spike. Yup, another tear-jerker. Also, I'm having second thoughts on my ending to this story. I'm not sure if I wanna use it. If you all have any suggestions for an ending e-mail me at FirmBelieverInUnderagedDrinking@eminem.com. For the ones of you who already did, thanks and I'm really considering what you said. Well, hope you enjoyed this chappy! Bye till next time! Luv ya! Kris.  
  
P.S. I'm also thinking about rewriting this story in script form and entering it in that Degrassi theater place on the the-n.com. What do you think? REVIEW! 


	9. Whispered Pleas

"...........I'm on my knees,  
Begging you to help me, please,  
Bring my baby back!  
Right back to me......  
............Lately,  
Been thinking 'bout you, baby,  
Just sittin' away, watchin' the days go bye..........."  
Samantha Mumba- Lately  
  
Liberty knocked lightly on Emma Nelson's front door. She set her black bag,  
which contained her video camera, on the porch. Shifting her weight from  
one foot to the other, she waited patiently for someone to open the door.  
Though, as seconds stretched into minutes, Liberty wondered if she'd gotten  
her information right. Emma's mom had said to come at 10 am on Saturday,  
did she not? Was there a change of plans? Had Liberty gotten the date  
wrong?  
  
Nervousness turned into panic, and Liberty knocked again. She began to pace  
back and forth, wondering where she'd gone wrong. She was sure she'd gotten  
her facts straight the other night when she'd talked to Mrs. Simpson on the  
phone. Just when she was about to turn home, she heard the door being  
unlocked. Emma's mom stood in the doorway, a shaky smile on her face.  
  
"Hello, Liberty," she said, her voice hoarse. "How have you been?" Liberty  
turned her head so that Mrs. Simpson would not see that she was blinking  
furiously to hold back tears. The sight of Emma's mother broke her heart.  
Her clothes were rumpled and stained. Her hair looked as though she hadn't  
combed or washed it in days. Her eyes held a kind of desperation, one in  
which she was trying to find an answer, but not succeeding, yet continuing  
to tell herself she would soon. But her smile........... that was the worst part.  
So fake, but trusting. It showed her vulnerability overriding her strength.  
Liberty had only seen Mrs. Simpson a few times, but knew enough to see that  
the woman standing before her, was not the one she'd seen before.  
  
"I'm f-fine, Mrs. Simpson," Liberty answered in a strong voice, leaning  
down to grab her bag. She, too, faked a smile.  
  
"Please, call me Spike." The desperation in this plea............ the neediness to  
be who she was before, was plain as day. Liberty just nodded and Spike  
stepped aside to let her in. The house was a mess. Clothes were strewn  
everywhere. Empty or half full plates of food were left on the sofa, the  
table, dressers, and even at the bottom of the stairs. The smells mixed  
together, giving the house a rather awful stench.  
  
Still, Liberty smiled and pretended that she was in her own house of sweet,  
honey like aromas from her mother's constant baking. She ignored the broken  
glass on the floor, even as she stepped over it, following Spike to Emma's  
room. Spike walked downstairs to the basement and Liberty trailed behind  
her. Reaching Emma's room, Liberty was relieved to see that it wasn't  
messy, but very well kept. She set down her bag and carefully pulled out  
her video camera.  
  
"Spike, you remember what to do right?" she asked. Seeing the uncertainty  
on the older woman's face answered her question. Sighing, Liberty  
explained, "Just go around Emma's room, picking up and explaining her  
things. The point is to let everyone who didn't know her see she was an  
average girl. Okay?" Spike nodded, and made an attempt to straighten her  
hair and clothes, but it was to no avail. Smiling wanly, she went over to  
Emma's dresser and picked up a thin, black notebook. Liberty pressed the ON  
button on her camera and it made its soft humming noise as it came to life.  
She aimed the camera at Spike and cued her to speak.  
  
"Hello, I'm Emma's mother," Spike said, her voice shaking slightly. "Th-  
this was Emma's environment journal." She held up the black book, and  
smiled a bit. "She wrote down everything that affected our plants and  
animals and ways to fix it. She was very passionate about nature, and did  
her best to make everyone else around her care, too." Setting down the  
notebook, Spike went over to Emma's desk. She made a gesture to Emma's  
computer and said, "Like any other teen girl, Emma had a computer. She e-  
mailed her friends, went to chat rooms, and did school projects on it. She  
was a happy person, and it showed through everything she did." From where  
Liberty was standing, she could see the tears in Spike's eyes. Spike walked  
over to another dresser, but paused before she got there. She clutched her  
chest, and began to breathe heavily. Liberty was about to run to her, but  
Spike held up her hand, telling her not to. Liberty, concerned, continued  
filming.  
  
Spike picked up a teddy bear in the shape of a dark green turtle. She  
smiled sadly at it before saying, "This is Mr. Tut. Emma's had this turtle  
since she was a young girl. She'd throw a fit if she lost it. She loved it  
like it was real. She always kept it by her side and never............" But Spike  
never finished her sentence. She sat on Emma's bed, clutching the stuffed  
turtle to her chest and began to rock herself back and forth. Liberty could  
just make out Spike's whispered pleas.  
  
"Emma, come back," she whispered as tears streamed down her face. "Please  
come back. I need you. Emma, come back to mommy, please." She began to  
shake as sobs coursed through her body. Her breathing increased, and each  
sentence she muttered was more spaced. "Emma......... come back. Why'd....... you........  
leave. Please........ Emma........ O Emma. OemmaOEmmaOEmmaOEmmaOEmma.........."  
  
Crying silently, Liberty turned the camera off and grabbed her bag. She  
left as quietly as she could, Spike's cries of, "Emma........... mommy's  
sorry........ for whatever..........she did. Please.......... Emma, come back," following  
her up the stairs and out of the door.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
(2 days later)  
  
Manny smiled, really smiled, as Sean told jokes on their walk home from  
school. The jokes weren't really funny, but seeing Sean attempt to be  
happy, attempt to be his old self, were enough to make Manny feel better.  
They walked to Sean's house, talking and joking as if everything was OK.  
Sean stepped into his yard, walking over to his front porch and sitting  
down on the step. Manny looked after him, unsure if she should follow or  
not. She remembered what had happened the last time she had come over and  
she wasn't sure how stable Sean was. He smiled at her and patted the empty  
space beside him, gesturing for Manny to come and sit with him. She walked  
over and dropped her backpack on the ground, before sitting next to him.  
  
"Hi," he said, waving at her. She grinned and replied, "Hey." They smiled  
at each other for a while, buying time to figure out what to say next.  
Silence consumed them and Manny turned her head, looking out at the street.  
She kept expecting Emma to turn the corner and walk over to them, a big  
smile on her face. However, the street remained empty, and Manny shivered  
even though it was warm out. She felt Sean looking at her and turned to  
him.  
  
"You okay?" he asked, concern on his face. Manny nodded, and he dropped the  
subject. "I'm glad that you and I are still friends, Manny. It really  
helps, having you to talk to. I don't feel like I'm the only one anymore."  
She knew the meaning of his last sentence and nodded.  
  
"I'm glad, too," she said, resting her head on his shoulder. She sat like  
that for a while, comfort in having a dear friend making her feel slightly  
happy, a feeling she cherished. She felt Sean's hand come to rest on her  
shoulder and she closed her eyes, growing tired. Stress had been eating  
away at her lately and for the first time in a while, she felt freer, as if  
stress had never come out to play cruel games with her mind. Sean's hand  
moved slowly down her arm, squeezing every once in a while. Manny continued  
to rest. His hand stopped on her hip and he pulled her closer to him. Her  
eyes fluttered open as she felt his warm breath against her cheek. She  
turned to look at him, confused. He smiled at her in a way he'd never done  
before and Manny, scared, tried to scoot away. Sean tightened his grasp on  
her hips and looked oblivious to the fact that Manny was trying to get  
away.  
  
"Thank you, Manny," he said, her name sounding odd coming from his lips.  
"For everything." He leaned closer to her and Manny tried to back away, but  
he only pulled her closer. Fear began to rise in Manny's chest and she  
tried to push him away.  
  
"Sean, no," she said as his lips closed over hers. He wrapped his arms  
around her, deepening the kiss. As she tried to tell him to stop, she was  
silenced by his tongue finding its way into her mouth. She placed a hand on  
his shoulder and shoved as hard as she could, but he would not budge.  
Giving up, she decided she would push him away when he came up for breath.  
He broke away from the kiss, a dazed look upon his face. Manny was about to  
tell him she didn't have any feelings for him, when she heard her name  
being called. She turned to see Craig standing at Sean's gate.  
  
"Manny!" Craig called to her, shocked at what he'd just seen her do. Manny  
turned to him, a look of equal shock on her face. Sean looked back and  
forth between the two, not understanding.  
  
"Craig, it's not what it looks like," was all Manny could say. Craig gave  
her a look that said, "Yea, right." He shook his head at her and Sean and  
walked away. Manny pulled away from Sean, relieved to finally be free of  
his stronghold on her. Confusion was clear in his eyes as he watched her  
grab her backpack and slowly back away from him as though he might strike  
at her.  
  
"Manny, what's wrong?" he asked, wanting an answer to why she looked so  
afraid of him.  
  
"You shouldn't have kissed me," she said, her voice shaking. "It was wrong.  
I don't feel that way for you." Anger consumed Sean, and he found himself  
stomping towards her.  
  
"Am I not good enough for you, Manny?" he asked her, his eyes cold as they  
stared into hers.  
  
"It's not like that, Sean," Manny said, shaking her head. "You're like a  
brother to me. I don't want to be anything more than a good friend to you.  
You're........... you were Emma's." A look of realization made its way across his  
face and he crumbled to the ground, crying.  
  
"S-Sean," Manny whispered, coming towards him.  
  
"Just leave, Manny," was his reply. "Just leave."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Craig, wait!" Manny called to him, finally catching up to him. He turned  
to face her, coldness in his eyes. "Craig, I-"she began, but was cut off.  
  
"How could you, Manny?" Craig asked, shaking his head in hurt and  
confusion. "Does it not matter to you that he was Emma's? Does it not  
matter to you the way.......... the way I feel about you?" Tears came to her eyes  
as she noted the look of pain on his face.  
  
"I swear it's not what it looked like," she said, searching for words to  
make the situation better. "Sean was upset and I talked to him and we  
became good friends. Then we walked home together from school today and we  
sat on his front porch talking and he kissed me, but I..........."  
  
She trailed off seeing the look of disbelief on his face. She shook her  
head in confusion. Why wouldn't he believe her?  
  
"Manny, I thought Emma's death meant more to you than this," he said, his  
voice quivering. "I thought Emma meant more to you than this. I guess I was  
wrong, huh?" He turned away from her, walking towards his home.  
  
"Craig, wait, please!" Manny called to him. But he did not stop. Manny  
watched sadly as he disappeared around a corner.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Manny stared silently at Emma's tombstone, wishing her friend was there to  
make everything make sense. She leaned her head against the cold marble,  
and stared down at the fresh dirt.  
  
"Emma..........." she whispered, waiting for her friend to answer. There was  
none. "Emma, why'd you leave? Why is everything going so crazy? If you were  
still here.......... If you were here everything would be okay." Tears poured  
from Manny's eyes and sobs shook her small body.  
  
She remembered all the times she was afraid and Emma would tell her it was  
okay. Her friend had always been there for her, had promised to always be  
there for her and now she wasn't. Emma had done something she'd never done  
before. She had broken a promise.  
  
"Emma, please," she begged, needing her best friend. "If you come back,  
everything will go back to normal." More tears fell from her eyes, down  
onto the fresh grave. "Please say everything's okay." Manny curled into a  
ball, sobbing and pleading. "Please, Emma. Please." She began to rock  
herself, waiting for an answer that would never come. "Please....... Please........  
please........." Her cries echoed through the cemetery upsetting the silence that  
had resided there.  
  
A/N: FINALLY ANOTHER CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!! Now, it's just five  
months till the next one!!! Hehe, j/k. I hope. I'm so sorry to all the  
people I've kept waiting. I'm so bad at updating. I've got to stop being so  
lazy!!!!!! This chapter made me cry so hard. It was difficult to write.  
I've really got to end this story soon, 'cuz it feels to me like it's  
dragging on. I've decided to keep the ending I planned to have, however  
much you may hate me. Oh, and this story is set before Manny's........change  
and before the next season, even though Emma's room is downstairs. Sorry if  
it confused you. Ok, well, review and tell me what you think. And yes, I  
will make you wait for the next chapter and this time I won't even tell you  
what it's going to be about. MWUHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm so evil!!! LOL! Well, buh  
bye!  
XOXOXOXO Kris.  
  
P.S. Sry to LittleMermaid356 for not posting this when I said I would. I  
was being lazy.  
  
P.P. S. REVIEW!!!!!!!! 


	10. Author's Apology

Hey people!

I really have to apologize for my lack of updating, but I have reason!!! I don't have a computer right now, and I haven't for a very long time. (I'm using a library computer, btw). I will promise you this, though. When I do update, expect a nice, long, juicy chapter (possibly the conclusion.) Thank you for the great reviews on this story. I love you all. I'm so sorry!!!

Sincerely,

Kandiangel45

P.S. OMG!!! How could Rick shoot Jimmy?!?!?! WTF!!! ::sobs hysterically::


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